Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
