? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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