Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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