Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
