you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
