i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm passing your future prison.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
