You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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