if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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