I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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