i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
