apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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