I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
