Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
