Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
