I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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