This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I want a musical about memes.
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