My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
