2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
