I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
