What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
