so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
