That reminds me...we need to get swords
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
