so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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