So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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