The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
