Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
