im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
