I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My vagina is officially offended.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
