White coat. Heels.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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