yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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