and you said cock pushups were impossible
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
