nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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