Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
