im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
