I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Ketchup is God's man juice
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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