the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she pinky promised me she was 18
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
