How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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