Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
