So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
