He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
