This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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