she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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