I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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