Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
