we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
