The maid of honor just puked.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
