i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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