I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
