I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
