Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
