i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
A bitchslap is in order.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
