I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
