i jhust puked up my retainher.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
