Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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