come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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